just a dream

Have you ever felt like you were living a dream? Like this isn't your life, and you will wake up any minute. I feel like that is my life right now. Like this isn't me here in Kuwait at a Starbucks getting ready to go north to Iraq. Everything seems surreal to me. I feel safe, even though i am still in a foreign country on the border of a WAR zone.

A little geography lesson for those that dont know. Kuwait is not Iraq! Kuwait is actually only 20 miles from Iraq though. so its not that bad, but you technically are still in danger.

My emotions are all over the place. I am happy that im making money, but being away from my family is so hard. I miss Nate sooo much, and I want to believe that we are going to make it through this, but i dont know. Its a lot to ask for someone to be faithful to someone who they are away from for a year. I know he loves me, and i know he wants to be with me, but is there a breaking point where your body over rides your heart?

I miss my mom and karlee too, they mean sooo much to me. I am missing Karlee grow up. Is she going to forget about me? Am i being a bad mom for leaving? She is home with my parents and getting so big. And i am missing it all. When i call she doesn't really want to talk, and doesn't recognize my voice. I understand that she is busy and has a lot going on in her life, i just hope she doesn't forget me. That would break my heart. Tomorrow is Mother's day, and i wish i was there. i wish i could hear her voice and play with her a little bit.

the weather here is pretty hot, only about 110 degrees daily. but there is no such thing as a blue sky here, nor can you see the stars. its like there is too much sand in the air. I wish i could look at the stars at night and think that those were the same stars that my others are looking at. I wish i could walk through the grass barefoot, cuz the sand is not the same. Then there are sand fleas! I HATE SAND FLEAS!!!! they get into your hair, then bite you. they are not like normal fleas back home... they are big! This place stinks too! the workers around here smell like they haven't taken a shower for weeks. I wish i could hand out deoderant to everyone. then there is the "HIGH" quality porta shitters that stink all the time. its not that bad, but with the heat it gets intensified.

well i better go, i will be on later. Ill talk to you guys later. Keep in touch